official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
