If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He has the fingertips of a God
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