nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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