he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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