ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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