let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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