you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
