I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
