we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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