You can't motorboat a personality
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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