I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
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