After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
