how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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