I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
