I'm going to jail i love you
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
