How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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