You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
