I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
