quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
