If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
