Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
