people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
