i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
