someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my shit smells like andre
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
