Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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