yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
