It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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