Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
