When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
