happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
