i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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