So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize