Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
