sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We are two peas in an std pod
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
