Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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