We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
