Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
