now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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