erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We have so much sex to catch up on
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
