Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
