just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
