I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
