I molested 6 butterflies tonight
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
