3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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