I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
