Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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