he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
