I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
