grandma shit on top of the toilet
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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