hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
