I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
