Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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