Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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