does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
