they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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