I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
