New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
