One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
