??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
