Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize