I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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