i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
