when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize