No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
