I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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