I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize