we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
