There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize