i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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