I just made out with a guy for $7.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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